Tuesday, 5 May 2009


So, I started my new job today and while it is still mid-evening (I should have re-thought the title of this blog), I have been thinking about a few things recently.

While it is exciting that I now have enough money to pay my mortgage and the endless bills for the forseeable future, it now seems like I have nothing to do for a few months. I have handed in my application for teacher training and while I wait for my references to come through I have to assume that what I wrote is sufficient to get me into one of the universities of my choice. I am relieved that I don't have to think about it anymore, but I have that awful feeling that I missed something out or put my personal statement answers in the wrong place and I think I should be working on it.

Also, I am not spending my days on the internet looking for work (and starting blogs) anymore, so everything seems really quiet at the minute. I know that once my handover is finished at the end of the week I'll be on my own so I'll welcome the quiet times and getting home to absolutely nothing, but right now it feels like I am in a kind of limbo and while I should cherish it I feel like my life is being wasted. I also don't know what I will do with my life if I don't get the chance to learn to be a teacher. Without realising it, I have pinned all my hopes on getting in to a university and training in September and even my subconcious is telling me this in my dreams. Ones with Johnny Depp in them. Sitting on the sinks of a ladies' bathroom and talking about life no less. Aw, just like high school.

I know that I could find a job for a year, or temp for a year and start next September, but I was so looking forward to starting and I have this awful feeling that if I don't do it now, I never will. While everything may seem rushed; getting student loans sorted, filling in forms, I know that if I have time to stew over them in the future they will never get done. And I have committed myself to a Proofreading and Editing correspondence course that I would like to get finished before I become a student again, but their weird symbols are putting me off.

In short, I have reached a plateau (or is it plateaux?) in my life that even alcohol doesn't seem to be helping (I know! Ludicrous!) and I need a good kick up the arse. Please form an orderly queue.


  1. Arse kicking commencing... ;p

    I dunno mate. It must be really difficult to be waiting to find out what you may or may not do for a significant portion of your life. Of course, I'm absolutely sure you'll get the placings you want, so I guess it's a case of distracting yourself until then. Maybe take the opportunity to fill up the limbo with something you might not have the time to do later, and treat it as just as important as all the other stuff; watch films you've always meant to watch, and write reviews, or do the same with books. You can blog it! :D

  2. Can I have a running start? :P

    It's only natural to worry about something once it's been taken out of your control and you're waiting to find out if it's okay or not. I think it's really cool that you've made the decision that this is what you want to do and have followed through with it so quickly though. Lord knows I wish I could be that assertive ;).

    This is just the calm between the periods of manic activity. Enjoy it, and do other less important stuff like Jen said, because before you know it you'll be crazy busy again and wishing for some free time.

  3. You're both right! I am going to enjoy my quiet time as much as possible and hopefully take advantage of my 12 free tickets a month at the BFI! ;o)

    Neil Gaiman was cool btw...